Sep 29, 2015

    It's not just about the boobs or brains

    IT WOULD appear that breast size doesn't matter, after all. At least, according to an evolutionary biologist who claims that a man is more likely to lust after a woman's brain than her ample cleavage. This could mean that all those men who were hiding copies of Playboy magazine in their underwear drawers were probably just creating a smokescreen. If you'd looked beneath the toolbox in the garage, you might have found the latest copy of Babes With Brains. Shocking, I know.

    Maybe all the misguided females who have been thinking of getting a boob job can now forget about stuffing their chest cavity full of silicone. Womankind might also be able to get rid of those uncomfortable Wonderbras that make it look as if their elevated breasts could serve as a portable table. That's assuming, of course, that women usually want to increase their breast size to make themselves look more attractive to the opposite sex.

    Many thousands of years from now, long after man's greed and selfishness have destroyed the planet, making it uninhabitable, aliens might touch down in Kuala Lumpur. They set up a base and begin exploring, hoping to find signs of early life on the planet.

    As they dig ever deeper beneath the scorched soil, they chance upon a graveyard. Many of the coffins have survived intact, giving the visitors an insight into the appearance of homo sapiens. But in a number of the coffins, they find two round silicone spheres sitting on top of the exposed ribcages. This mystery will be the subject of speculation for thousands of years to come.

    But I digress.




    David Bainbridge, the evolutionary biologist who is dismissing the lure of a woman's ample bosom, says: "Surveys have shown time and time again that this (intelligence) is the first thing men look for. It shows that she (a potential partner) will be able to look after his children."

    What happened to the theory that men are wired to look for a woman with a symmetrical face, wide childbearing hips and large breasts that indicate her ability to feed her babies?

    These are all physical cues that a man can assess immediately. But the problem with intelligence is that it's not obvious at first glance. Unless, of course, you stumble across a woman ironing her clothes while she's wearing them, or trying to take a selfie in front of a herd of stampeding elephants, or sticking a wet finger into a toaster to find out why it's not heating up.

    And what did our cavemen ancestors do? Wouldn't a primitive language have made it harder to assess a person's intelligence? Life was pretty basic way back then, so unless you were exceptionally intelligent and invented the wheel, or stupendously stupid and made a habit of standing in front of a herd of stampeding woolly mammoths, no one would really stand out.

    I mean to say, how clever do you have to be to gather berries, fetch water from a stream and paint the occasional picture on a cave wall?

    In short, I'm sure a woman's cerebral capabilities seldom figured when a caveman was selecting a mate.

    It's possible that Professor Bainbridge's surveys inadvertently selected men who were already in a relationship with an intelligent woman, or the interviewees lied because they didn't want to sound shallow, or their partners were standing right next to them during the survey and they wanted their women to feel flattered.




    I asked a few women if they would rather have someone who is attracted to them because of their breasts or their brains, and they all opted for brains. "Sure, it's great for the ego to know that your man is lusting after your body," one of them said, "but looks fade after a while, and breasts sag, usually long before your brain wears out."

    Nonetheless, such questions are moot, because we live in a world where we don't have to choose between breasts and brains. There are many intelligent women who happen to have big breasts, as well as a whole host of other attributes that are attractive.

    I'm no evolutionary expert, but as far as I know, attraction is made up of a combination of different things - some of which we are aware of, and some of which we are not.

    There's no point relying on your big breasts to attract a man, if you're lacking in empathy, kindness and compassion. Similarly, there's no point relying on your sense of humour, if it's masking a host of insecurities and negativity.

    If you were to ask any number of men what they find attractive in a woman, each of them will probably come up with a different combination of attributes.

    As for any woman contemplating a boob job, do it for yourself and not because you want to please someone else. Not all men like big boobs.